I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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