i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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