Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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