I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
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I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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