after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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