Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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