Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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