Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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