I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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