Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize