just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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