The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize