So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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