I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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