ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize