I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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