I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize