Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize