This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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