Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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