Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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