people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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