Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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