I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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