Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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Vodka?
Forever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wear drunk well.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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