Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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