Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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