What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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