Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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