you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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