i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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