the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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