He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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