I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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