We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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