Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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