Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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