That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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