I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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