Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize