Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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