Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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