Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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