party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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