She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize