When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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