i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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