I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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