Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize