saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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